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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27066601">i’m not going to run away</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/cao_nin/pseuds/cao_nin'>cao_nin</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Comfort/Angst, Deaf Eren Yeager, F/M, M/M, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Manga Spoilers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:02:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,187</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27066601</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/cao_nin/pseuds/cao_nin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>eren is emotional and armin holds him</p><p>+ manga spoilers just sayin</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Armin Arlert/Annie Leonhart, Armin Arlert/Eren Yeager</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>57</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i’m not going to run away</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>unedited angst. that’s all.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>it wasn’t exactly painful, living life in silence. actually, eren didn’t mind it at all. though, at one point in his life he wished he could listen to the birds chirping - he knows, how foolish he had been.</p><p> </p><p>he wishes he could listen to a lot of things, actually. he wishes he could have fell asleep with the sound of his mother’s voice and the warmth of her breath tickling his cheek. if she were to sing him lullabies, it would have been silent. there wasn’t a need for silence, anyways. </p><p> </p><p>eren remembered when his mother was killed. i mean, how could he not? its ever the only thing occurring in his head. not that he could change that. </p><p> </p><p>he’s not a sick person - well <em>maybe a little of him is,</em> but there are times when he mourns for his mother’s screams. he mourns for all of their screams, actually. he’d like to hear her voice, even if it was in agony, for the last time. he would have wanted to listen to mikasa as she called for him, the many times he was kidnapped or taken by the bands of traitors. he laughs to himself a little; maybe if he had been gifted with the ability to hear he wouldn’t be so stubborn. </p><p> </p><p>“eren.” </p><p> </p><p>he just wants to hear a voice. that’s all he wishes. god, how long he had been wishing for just a sound; not even a voice. anything. anything, he’ll take anything. even if it was jean’s complaints, hell, he’d be the happiest man in the world. if it was the rustle of leaves, or the creak of a door knob, he’d be content with himself. more realistically, if that were to ever happen, he’d be crying. </p><p> </p><p>“eren.” </p><p> </p><p>so he’s thinking all of these thoughts, looking up at the blank ceiling of the cell they’ve forced him in. not even a bed, he didn’t deserve it after all he’s done anyway. </p><p> </p><p>sometimes mikasa visits him during nights like these. it’s incredibly hard, watching her spout words that come tumbling off her tongue, in a frantic manner. she manages a few movements of her hands, but eren can read her lips perfectly fine. the hard part isn’t of him not understanding, it’s when she’s needing comfort and he can only exist; stare while she crumbles. </p><p> </p><p>eren had only been doing that, anyway, for the majority of his life. he tosses and turns on the floor; his back aches from the cement floor. he thinks back to when he was recruited as a cadet. how shadis screamed, with such close proximity, in his face. that gave him a good laugh. </p><p> </p><p>“eren, rest, its me.” </p><p> </p><p>at some point in the night, he feels a body press to him. it’s a bit smaller than him, so it’s not as comforting as it should be. warm arms wrap around his cold ones. a thin leg tangles between his. fingers wrapping themselves around his middle, clutching at his clothes like he’ll run away. </p><p> </p><p>“i’m not going to run away.” he can tell it’s the blonde boy, again. it’s the way he delicately places his limbs along his own, he can just tell. was it are-min? armin. that’s how he read it off their lips. </p><p> </p><p>he feels a shudder from behind him, which he assumes is a chuckle. oh right. the imposter had wrapped themselves around him, from behind. he shifts, untangling himself from armins grasp. </p><p> </p><p>he sits up, examining the boy lying before him. armin is dainty. his features. his movements. he is afraid of violence. he’s afraid of becoming a killing machine, like eren.  more importantly, it seems as if armin understands that. he’s even spout some bullshit to that little girl, the one who killed sasha. </p><p> </p><p>“kill, kill, kill. that’s all you ever think about.” </p><p> </p><p>he wants to cry. armin is staring up at him with doe eyes. he looks hurt, probably because eren had rejected his touch. he curses at himself, letting guilt wash over him. </p><p> </p><p>he screams. or at least, he think he does. he’s not quite sure - he tries to be loud and incompetent , but armin doesn’t look shaken. maybe louder? more reckless? he does it again anyway. </p><p> </p><p>the boy he remembered so well before, he had changed. he remembers how the neighborhood bullies would corner him, kicking his book to the side. he remembers blue eyes, scared and so unknowing of the world. he remembers punching those bullies, and can imagine the faint sounds of armin shrieking, mortified as he was beaten to a pulp.</p><p> </p><p>he lets the tears go. there’s no point in holding them back if armin had suspected it anyway. there’s no point. </p><p> </p><p>“oh, eren.” </p><p> </p><p>the same eyes as before interlock with his, as armins delicate hands take his from covering his eyes. tears are streamed to his chin, dripping to his lap. he looks scared. not armin, but himself. he can feel himself going mad. why doesn’t this boy understand? did he not hear his scream? did he not feel hands pushing him away? eren wasn’t like that anyway. whatever he was, he just wasn’t. </p><p> </p><p>i want to hear, i want to hear, i want to hear.</p><p>the smaller of the two takes his hands like before, bringing them to his lips and pressing kisses to the knuckles ever so slightly like feather ghosting skin. no, he is a feather. ghosting skin, that is. </p><p> </p><p>let me hear, please. i want to hear you.</p><p> </p><p>eren is sitting there, staring while the liquid comes and goes from his eyes. he stares at armin. he looks sad. not that you could tell, but something in his eyes from when he was a boy was different. they all looked different. he looked different. </p><p> </p><p>“eren, look at me.” he does. he whimpers a little too, he misses those soft lips on <em>his</em> skin. </p><p> </p><p>eren supposes the change, for what it was worth, was for the better. now, as the boy caressed erens body with his own, he understood. he lets out silent sobs, shaking all over. </p><p> </p><p>he missed this. out of everything that changed, at least this hadn’t. he could still enjoy the warmth of his childhood best friend turned enemy. oh, right. he was the enemy now. traitor. the people he had once hated before, they had taken him in. he had become one of them. they were monsters just like him. eren grew emotional. not that he wasn’t before. </p><p> </p><p>now his movements were even more shaky, if that were possible. he thrashed in armins hold, grasping at anything he could touch on the boy. he tried nestling his head in the crook of the pale neck, tossing and turning to find that warmth again. eren pressed a hand to the back of armins head, feeling his still soft and silky hair. now it was cut short, and he should be sad, because he was the one that used to braid it before bed. he wasnt though. </p><p> </p><p>“eren , don’t you think armin would save you a lot more trouble if he had cut his hair?” jean never talked eren much, besides fighting with him. it was odd that he brought this up. </p><p> </p><p>“why do you say that?” he tried, but it ended up coming off broken.</p><p> </p><p>”well, isn’t it a bit girly? it doesn’t bother me, but most of the guys confuse him for a girl. makes me wonder if it’d save him more trouble if he just cut it off, that’s all.” he didn’t think jean was trying to mean it in a rude way, he could tell he genuinely cared for armin too. </p><p> </p><p>eren didn’t like that. </p><p> </p><p>“he won’t cut it because of me.” </p><p> </p><p>“huh?”</p><p> </p><p>”he doesn’t cut it because i won’t let him. and you shouldn’t tempt him with that either, he doesn’t need your advice.” </p><p> </p><p>“ere-“</p><p> </p><p>“don’t cry eren. i won’t let you cry.” he cries even harder. armin grabs his wrists, separating the two. </p><p> </p><p>“please don’t cry. not when you’ve already caused so much trouble for us.” and it’s true, he’s the cause of everything getting destroyed. he’s the cause of his friends getting killed. god, he just wants to stop the hurting.</p><p> </p><p>”i’m sorry.” and it comes broken between breaths like before. </p><p> </p><p>“i know you are.” armin hushes him, bringing him into another embrace. this time, armin is holding him. he doesn’t allow erens arms to encase him, he swats them away, and it brings a quivering smile to erens lips. </p><p> </p><p>they sit there like that for a while, a little too long for his own liking, but he feels content with it. everything feels content as brings his head to rest on armins chest, feeling the rise and fall of his breath.</p><p> </p><p>a pair of soft lips kiss the corner of his temple, just like his mother did. </p><p> </p><p>eren remembers how earlier that day he was jealous. he didn’t like the stares armin was getting. apparently, the blonde was the new commander now. it was amusing to him, when he heard the news. </p><p> </p><p>commander arlert. commander armin. it was funny coming off his lips. </p><p> </p><p>he watched the memorial go by, sitting on a chair with his arms and legs chained up. mikasa had requested him coming on the behalf of the soldiers who sacrificed themselves. for humanity, as erwin would say. oddly enough, this was all too familiar to him.</p><p> </p><p>it reminded him of all those years back when he was once like the scouts before him, wearing their green coats and crying on each other’s shoulders; mourning the loss of family and friends. </p><p> </p><p>he remembers floch, scolding them that day for being selfish. he was reminded of erwin too. he wouldn’t admit that it had been the wrong choice, because like he said, he didn’t know any better. if it was armin in risk of everything, then so be it. he’ll risk everything,  but only for armin. </p><p> </p><p>during the memorial he saw annie, too. it was probably the first time in five years that they saw each other, edging from fifteen to nearly twenty. they didn’t say much, besides a quiet nod. it was incredibly hard for them to ever become close or familiar with each other because she rarely ever talked, and if she did it was small mumbles he couldn’t read. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“you think he’ll cause a scene?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>mikasa and armin were now talking to family members of those who were lost, both repeatedly bowing and taking the hands of their mothers and fathers.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“nah, didn’t you hear commander arlert? he’s lost his hearing.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>”seriously? he can’t hear and he was trying to commit genocide?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>”what’re you trying to say?” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>he sees annie appear again, following armin into a secluded corner.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“well i’m just saying, we could have taken him down a long time ago. i mean, the commander was once close with him right? he would have surely known about his hearing.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“true, i think captain mikasa ordered for commander armin to not kill him though. i’ve heard they were all childhood friends. isn’t that horrible?” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“i cant even imagine.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>annie snakes her arms around armin’s middle, and armins hand comes to rest on the back of her head. they exchange in brief mumbles, which eren cant see from his far viewpoint. <em>they look like a couple</em>, he thinks to himself. <em>they are a couple</em>, he then realizes, dazed.</p><p> </p><p>he thinks it’s jealousy, he just knows it is. heat pools in his stomach, not the good kind, and his insides twist and turn and he feels like he’s being picked of every little scrap of dignity he has left, stripped completely. </p><p> </p><p>he wants to hold armin; he wants to be held. </p><p> </p><p>so he thinks of that now, as armin is kissing his own lips, chaste and tender. at first, eren doesn’t know what to do, shocked. he’s never kissed anyone, besides his mom. </p><p> </p><p>it seems like armin is different, because unlike eren, he knows what he’s doing. it gives eren a twinge of jealousy, because he has to be experienced to do this sort of thing, right? his lips move in a slow and intimate fashion, which eren tries reciprocating - but ultimately fails. </p><p> </p><p>armins hands come up to caress his jaw, massaging his cheeks while smiling abruptly through the kiss. </p><p> </p><p>“see, you’re not crying anymore.” he pulls away, leaving eren with a pout. </p><p> </p><p>”i’m not crying because you told me not to, you fool.” he croaks out.</p><p> </p><p>just a moment  ago, he was in tears. now they had dried, painting his cheeks and swollen eyelids. armin bursts out laughing, eren shortly following. they sit there for a while, laughing and laughing until there is no more, and eren wants to be held again. </p><p> </p><p>so armin does that, bringing him in for another embrace, the top of his chin resting on erens head, while stroking his hair silently. </p><p> </p><p>he thinks, that if he were to hear one thing it’d be armin. his voice. maybe the sound of their lips panting or pressing. anything remotely armin. he wanted to hear. if only for a second, he’s okay with that. </p><p> </p><p>“i’m not going to run away.”</p>
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